Counting toilets.

Yep. That's what I did at work today. The Principal called....wait. Let me back up so you can get the full effect.

The Principal's wife is pregnant with their first child and could have the baby at any moment, she's ready to pop. He cancelled his interviews this afternoon to be with her and who knows if he'll come back tomorrow. So, I get a call this afternoon and it's The Principal's wife. And she sounds...panicky. Well, maybe not panicky, but like something is going on. So I think 'oh, man. She is having a baby and I am useless.' But to my surprise, she passes the phone and I'm talking with The Principal. And he asks me this: How many restrooms are in the school? I pause. Uhh...I have no idea. He senses my hesitation and asks me to go count the restrooms and he will call me back in five minutes.

So I get up from my desk and start searching the school. I note the four restroom doors pretty quickly, but then I panic. What if he wanted me count the actual number of stalls? Or toilets? And why does he need this information? So I hurriedly go back and go into every restroom counting stalls. And going into the boys' restrooms, I knock and announce my presence loudly even though I know the only other person in the school is the IT guy and I've already seen him sitting at his desk. But just to be safe. So I'm walking around the school, looking for hidden toilets, trying to remember how many urinals the boys' restrooms had and if those counted in the grand total and coming up with mnemonic devices to remember that the girls had one more stall and what exactly was the ratio of boys' stalls to urinals. I must have sounded like Woody Allen in Scoop (17 jet planes, 23 swinging midgets...). I neglected to bring a pen and paper with me. I didn't know that it would get this complex.

As soon as I get back to my desk, the phone rings. It's The Principal. "How many restrooms?" "Well, sir, are you wanting actual number of toilets or just uh..rooms?" I actually said that.

This is my job.